It begins with a letter

Date: 5th September, 1975
Location: Astronomy Tower
Status: Private

Completion: Incomplete



It was late at night and Marlene should probably have been in bed a while ago, or if not, she should at least be in her common room or dormitory, which were the only places where she was allowed to be at this time of the day. But even though she had never been one to disobey rules, she had sneaked out of the Ravenclaw tower about half an hour ago and had made her way to the astronomy tower in a sneaky way that would have made any Slytherin proud.

About an hour ago she had received a letter. The same big, black, threatening owl which had delivered her father’s howler in her first year had been taping impatiently on the window, waiting for someone to let it in, looking at her imperiously. Rolling her eyes, Marlene had let the owl in, expecting a silly or useless letter. However, when she had read the first line, her heart had stopped, if that was physically possible, before starting beating again. She had had to read the letter a dozen of times before getting its full meaning and, clutching the letter in her trembling fist, she had sneaked out of the common room, making her way to the empty astronomy tower where she now sat in a corner, her knees brought up against her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. After reading the letter for the fifteenth time if not the hundredth one, she folded it again, her fingers still slightly shaking.

Her mother was in St. Mungos. That was nothing new… but she was in a deep coma and that, however, was not something she was used to. The fact that most of the healers were not sure about her recovery worried her even more. She was afraid for her mother’s life but, in a selfish way, she was also worried for hers, and her sister’s. What would happen to them if their mother died, if they were left alone with their father? There would be no way out of the dull and oppressed life that was waiting for them in that case. They would have to do as they were told, with nobody to defend them, only someone to patronize and control them, when not hitting them.

Slowly, she slipped her letter in her pyjama pants pocket, shivering lightly as the cool air blew around, making her air stand on her bare arms. She had not bothered getting dressed, she had left the common in such a fast and mindless way that the only thing she had brought with her had been the letter, not caring if the night air might be too cold for someone only wearing pyjama pants with a tank top. Sighing, she rested her arms on her knees, absentmindedly tracing the faint scars on her arms which had been there for a few years already. Her father was quite fond of pocket knifes… suddenly, a small sound came to her ears and made her look up. She was pretty much sure that the said sound was the one of foot steps coming her way. She bit her bottom lip, waiting anxiously, hoping not to get into trouble.

It wasn't often that Remus chose to go to the astronomy tower, in fact it was a very seldom occurence. He couldn't say why he felt the need to go there tonight, it was just that, a feeling, an inexplicable need to do so. Or just where he ended up wandering.

His footsteps echoed against the stone walls, and he pulled his hands out of his pockets, faint marks upon the back of his hand, perhaps not noticeable to others, but noticeable to himself. He scratched at them for a moment, before he reached out and pushed the door open to the classroom, obviously not in use that night.

He stepped forward, only to shuffle back a step in surprise at seeing another person there. "Oh.." he started, ready to give some sort of apology at intruding on someone elses privacy, however the apologetic words that were ready to come forth a mere moment before were silenced at the look upon Marlene's face.

His expression shifted into one of concern and he walked forward a bit. "Are you alright?" he asked, knowing that indeed she wasn't, but still feeling a need to ask.

Marlene's heart beat quickened as the door slowly opened and she bit her bottom lip harder, wishing she could disappear. However, when her eyes focused on the person facing her, she sighed softly as relief filled and relaxed her body. She gave a weak smile.

"Hello Remus," she said in a small voice.

When he asked if she was alright, she could sense in his voice that he already knew she wasn't, and so lying would be no use in this case. But she didn't want to bother him with her problems either... in the end, she resigned herself for a shrug and looked down at her feet, tightly wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees, shivering lightly. She cursed herself mentally for not thinking about taking her cloak with her and sighed.

Her quiet greeting and downward gaze did nothing to alleviate his worry, quite the opposite actually. Remus ran a hand through his hair in a nervous unsure gesture, before a moment later seeing her shiver, he removed his jacket, revealing the white dress shirt underneath. "Here.." he said softly, handing it to her with a small smile.

"Do you.. want to talk about it?" he asked, a slight tilt to his head, uncertainty evident in the hesitancy in his question.

Marlene took the jacket and gave a small smile, thanking him silently as she was not sure she would be able to talk. She sighed and put it on, instantly feeling the warmth go through her body.

When he asked her the next question, she stiffened lightly, opening her mouth to decline the offer, but then she closed it immediately after. She turned to look at him, almost feeling curious. Did he really want to be bothered with her troubles or was he just trying to be nice as she knew he always was? After a small hesitating, though she still wasn't too sure, she took the letter out of her pocket and handed it to him, not convinced she would be coherent if she tried telling him the whole story, knowing the printed letters would be easier to read.

She wrapped her arms tighter around her knees, crushing them to her chest and resting her temple on them, her head slightly turned so that she could still look at him though her hair was falling like a dark curtain in front of her face.

Remus took the letter, a bit curious about it, though it did nothing to assauge his concern for her. Whatever was wrong with her, the answer would most likely be found by reading it, and yet at the same time he wondered if perhapse he shouldn't have pryed so much. Too late now, he lifted the paper to read it.

The first line made a cool chill run down his spine, and the meaning of it certainly explained why Marlene was in the state that she was. His gaze scanned the rest of the letter, but he handed it back.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, unsure if there was anything. Remus wasn't sure if an 'I'm sorry' would adequately express his sympathy and their relationship, whatever it was, seemed too new for him to touch her in consolation. Perhaps she just needed to talk? He'd never been too good at the whole making another person feel better, though goodness knows he tried.

"Have you talked to the Headmaster about visiting her?" he asked as he sat close to her, though not so close as to seem as if he was invading her personal space.

Marlene played with her necklace as he read the letter, biting her bottom lip softly and tucking her long hair behind her ear. When Remus was done reading, she gave a weak smile and folded the letter once more, her fingers clinging to it lightly. As he asked her if there was anything he could do, she sighed and looked down at her feet.

"I don't know... it's so strange, I just want to lock myself up and be left alone... and yet I want to have someone with me," she said, shaking her head lightly. "My thoughts are so mixed up at the moment, I can't even hear them properly in my head."

She shrugged and gave a small laugh. "I guess I'm going crazy."

"I received the letter not so long ago, I didn't think it was a proper hour to disturb the headmaster," Marlene said with a small sigh. "And... I honnestly don't know what good it would do... to see her unconscious and so weak..."

She shook her head and bit her lip once more as she blinked desperately, trying to chase the stubborn tears that filled her eyes and would not go away.

His hands rested upon his knees, fingers plucking at the fabric of his pants. "That's understandable.. I'm sure it can't be easy." He wondered idly if this was how his father and mother had reacted when they'd received the news about him...Remus resisted the urge to shake his head, and pushed such thoughts away. This wasn't the time to wander down memory lane.

"No, Marlene, you're not going crazy. It's only normal to have conflicting emotions about it. Perhaps, though, going to see your mother would be a good thing.." Remus didn't want to assume too much, but believed that actually seeing her, might be easier than trying to imagine what she may look like. He knew at least that from experience the imagination could be a horrible thing.

She sighed lightly and nodded slowly, allowing her hair to fall and hide her face as she played with her necklace nervously, twisting the delicate chain around her thin fingers.

"I guess I should," she said, cursing herself mentally when her voice came out, sounding weaker than she wanted it to. "I'm still gonna wait a little..."

But then she started wondering if she'd even get to see her if she waited. What if she never woke up? What if she died before Marlene had the chance to see her again? She bit her slightly trembling bottom lip, closing her eyes in one last attempt to block the tears from falling but it was no use as they slowly started sliding down her pale cheeks.

Remus watched her play for her necklace, frowning, unsure how to make things better, and if there was even anything that could make her feel better. He sat in silence for a moment as she quit talking, but as he noticed her crying, he tentatively wrapped an arm about her shoulders. Sometimes human contact could be what was needed and he would offer it to her. His hand rested lightly on her other shoulder, giving her the option of pulling away if he was being too forward.

"I can't say everything will end up alright, Marlene," he said softly, feeling that it was better to be truthful than to offer false hope or clichéd words of condolence. “But however it ends, or goes, I’ll be here.” Remus finished, knowing from experience that it helped to have someone there to support you, regardless of how bad things got. He spared a thought of thanks towards his own friends.

When Marlene felt Remus' arm around her shoulder, she stiffened slightly for a second and then relaxed, letting her tears fall as she burried her face in his neck. Marlene was not used to being touched by people, let alone guys. Most of the time, she only went as far as hugging some members of her family, or her best friends. But being comforted by someone she hardly knew, though possibly liked, was something entirely new to her. And she couldn't said she disliked it... quite the opposite actually. Feeling Remus' body so close to hers sent a strange warmth through her being, her skin tingling from the proximity and her heart beat speeding up slightly.

After a few minutes, she managed to calm down slightly but didn't pull away as she swiftly wipped her tears away, running her fingers over her cheeks. Slowly, shyly, she looked up at Remus and managed a weak smile, trying to ignore how close her face was from his.

"Thank you Remus," she said softly. "For being here for me."

Remus own posture stiffened a little in response to her, wondering if he had overstepped his boundaries. After all it wasn't as if they knew each other all that well. It was a bit of a surprise for Remus to want to be so close, as he tended to have only a few select close friends, while maintaining a rather amountable distance from others.

It was when she relaxed, that he relaxed as well, though his hold was still a light one. As she wiped away her tears and looked up with a small smile, he returned it with one that he hoped was reassuring. Obviously his expertise was not in comforting other people.

"You're welcome," he said.

A moment later, he asked, "Erm.. how's your ankle doing?" He didn't think it would truly distract her from what was going on in her life, after all an ankle was inconsequential compared to a parent, but perhaps it would give her something else to talk about. Honestly, Remus was just rather awkward in these sort of situations.

Marlene gave a small smile and pulled away a little, though not completely. She liked the feeling of his arm around her, she felt... safe. She couldn't remember ever feeling safe in someone's arms, even her mother's. Her mother's arms didn't mean security, most of the time they meant sadness and fright, though there were those rare and wonderful moments when they meant love. Only love, not overshadowed by tears and pain. But at the moment it didn't mean any of those. Only friendship, comfort and safety.

"My ankle is just fine," she said with a light smile. "The nurse fixed it in ten seconds. And that's because she dropped her wand."

She could somehow feel the awkwardness of the moment and she understood it too. She didn't know Remus all that well but somehow in her pain and vulnerability it hadn't mattered at all and she had opened herself to someone who was almost a stranger. Weirdly enough, it didn't bother her at all... she didn't feel angry at herself or worried about opening up to Remus.

Remus felt a small bit of relief as her smile lightened, hopefully this meant that there would be no more tears in that night's future. His smile widened in reaction.

"Good that it wasn't anything all too serious then, might have taken 20."

The moment was a bit awkward, though some of that awkwardness was slowly dissapearing.

Marlene gave a soft laugh at Remus' comment, looking down at her feet a as small smile appeared on her lips, though the tears were still not far from her eyes. She tilted her head slightly and looked up at him, feeling the awkwardness of the moment but deciding to ignore it - or at least do her best to ignore it.

"Twenty seconds would obviously have been awful now," she said in a teasing manner, grinning lightly as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

Smiling lightly at him, she stiffled a yawn as the tiredness that had so suddenly left her earlier came back in a rush. She was fighting to keep her eyes opened as she did not want to go back to bed yet. Despite the awkwardness, which it seemed to her was slowly drifting away, she felt great right now, or at least as great as she could feel. As her eyes met his for a split second, a strange warmth spread through her body, sending a tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach. Looking down instantly, she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks and tried to repress the feeling. Yet, she could not help but think how happy she felt with his arm around her, and how inviting his shoulder looked for her sleepy head to rest upon.

Remus loved that she had laughed, but could see that she was still upset. However, there wasn't too much he could do about except for being there with her. Afterall the only thing that could make matters better for her, would be for everything to have not happened in the first place.

He grinned back at her as she teased, and noticed her yawn. It was getting late and they both had classes in the morning, however he didn't really feel the motivation to move. However, it wasn't fair of him to keep her here, merely because he enjoyed her company.

"Do you want to head back now?" he asked, though nothing in his voice hinted at his wanting to leave or not liking her company.

Marlene sighed lightly. She knew it was late and it was a school night... she'd need her concentration during the whole day that was to come, just like him, and somehow she knew that, after seeing her in that state, Remus would leave her alone again. He was too nice for that. Then again, leaving the tower meant leaving him and that she wasn't so sure she wanted to do, no matter how tired she was. She felt like having his arms around her for as long as she could, and this definitely hadn't been long enough. As she repressed another yawn, she decided that there would be other times for that... hopefully anyway. They really had to get some sleep... and what if they were caught? He'd be in trouble because of her and she didn't want that to happen either.

Smiling a little, she looked up at him and nodded slowly. "Yes, I guess we should," she said a bit tiredly, biting her bottom lip to keep herself from yawning.

It took her all she had to leave his arms and get back on her feet but eventually she did. "Thanks again," she said softly. "This means a lot more to me than you think." She smiled and restrained herself from hugging him - no matter how much she wanted to, the night's event had been awkward enough. Just then, she remembered she was wearing his jacket and slowly took it off, the night air hitting her harder than before or so it seems. She shivered lightly as she handed it back to him with a small smile.

His arm fell away from her shoulders as she moved away, and he missed the warmth and comfort. It was not often he held anyone.. actually it really never happened. His father was at most times rather stand-offish and his mother always gave him sad looks as if he might break, and he would rather see that he supposed than the fear that even as a young boy he could recognize.

He gave her a small smile back and a nod. "I'm glad I was here to help," he said sincerely, choosing his words carefully.

As she went to hand back his jacket, he gave a shake of his head that sent shaggy bangs into his eyes. "You wear it, it wont be any warmer in the corridors, I'll get it back tomorrow, alright?"

Marlene smiled and put the jacket back on, warmth instantly coming back to her though she found that it wasn't what she was seeking all that much. His smell lingered in the fabric and it was as if he still had his arms around her. Though she was feeling rather silly, she started thinking that those cheerleaders she had seen in muggles movies, all excited about having their athlete boyfriend's jackets, weren't so bad after all. She looked up at him with a shy smile, blushing at her own thoughts as she told herself how cute he looked with his messy hair. Shaking her head lightly, she tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to hide the fact that her hand was shaking lightly. Then again, she could always blame it on the cold if he asked.

"Thanks," she said softly. "I'll be sure to give it back to you tomorrow. We are in the same Defense against the dark arts class, I think."

She looked at him and tilted her head slightly, hesitating for a second before leaning closer to him and standing on her tiptoes to place a light friendly kiss on his cheek. "Thanks again for everything," she said.

She turned around before he could see the blood rushing to her cheek at the realisation of what she had just done and she headed out of the astronomy tower, her arms wrapped around her body as she couldn't help but smile lightly.